[S16E3] The Write Stuff PORTABLE

Owen and Teddy take Allison into the gallery. Teddy tells Allison they get to do cool stuff in there. She then realizes time has flown by. She should go to get Allison down for the night. Owen says he'll stay home with Allison for a while so Teddy can go back to work. Teddy refuses because she doesn't want to fail. She will figure out how to be a good mother. Owen points out she's been happier today than any day since Allison was born. Coming back to work will make her happy, which in turn will make her a better mother. Teddy then happily accepts his offer. She decides to go back to work right now and leaves to go get changed.

[S16E3] The Write Stuff

Hello everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating where we dig into the whys of people's behavior including your own when it comes to modern romance. Hello julie hello. we're back. We got a good topic today dating trauma. I should probably start with our guest. Today is anyone. That isn't our facebook community. Love in the time corona and the sounding board which is our premium community knows and loves this guest very dearly we are joined by janice eisman who is our moderator. All we'll start off by saying that before we even get into but she's also a writer for elephant journal and she wrote this article a while back in a suit as she did. We need to have you on the podcast because this topic is so good it was basically like the title of it is the dating wounds. We carry after years of being single in all about dating trauma like dating. Ptsd and of course we say trauma. We're talking about like little t not like major trauma. But i think what she really talks about is like when you've been ghosted. Not once but time after time after time it starts to take effect on your psyche society. We kind of like sweep under the rug. It's like can more in losses. If it's a divorce big break-up or you can't get pregnant or you lose a child or you lose a job event at lake people kind of in a way like with if were like. I went on one date. And i'm so upset because i got ghosted. They'd be like really like is not that big a deal and kind of the point of this whole thing is like it's not an isolation but when it keeps happening over and over again it can become a big deal. I think a lot of times we treat dating like it's a battleground too. So when we are faced with these wounds like just a just a bullet the bullet here and there we are taught and we were encouraged to be resilient and just keep going keep fighting but we forget that also on the battleground there needs to be a lot of reflection to a like. Why did i get hit. How did i gain. How did it feel when i got hit. And that's sort of what we're going to address in. This episode is how to address the wounds that you've experienced dating so that you can move forward not like you're a battle but in a much more sort of like a realistic way of facing modern romance modern dating totally and i think like all weekend a bit like sitting with me this one question that we actually talked to one of our members in the sounding board about and she brought up like if i am starting to get like apathetic of be like just you know peaking at home in chilling dot like you know being so dedicated to apps and all of that in like ton of not caring if someone goes like. Is that a sign. That i'm giving up or is that a sign that i'm growing in. The slight question is really been sitting with me. Because i think like i have also been like kind of a weird phase right now day like. I've been really active again starting in january when i got back. I was using apps when i was in boston. But obviously wasn't meeting anyone but like doing more virtual than like since. I've been back up in definitely more active either despite talking or meeting in real life. I've definitely been in this phase. Where like things like. Haven't been like as seamless as they have for me in the past and i don't blame apps because like i've definitely been apps and like the first day i went on. I met a boyfriend. So it's like it just ebbs and flows. This is like a random tangent. I feel like what people are like. Fuck the apps like the app sack like really like would you ever say that about like your favorite bar like if you bet somewhat if they're like you know like ignored you at your bar it. What a date you. You would never be fully the bar like it's just like you're just meeting cubans but anyways that's a rich of side note that i was thinking people just love blaming about the environment. Exactly the thing that you met someone a friend introduce you and then didn't work out. You're like ashok my friend. You wouldn't be like you could be like. Oh the bad taste you though like that. That's true yeah but you wouldn't be like fuck my my friend. I'm taking a sabbatical my friends. It wouldn't be as extreme. And i think maybe the apps for like the new play bigger city. Because i feel like that you be like oh i'm gonna move maybe it's the save actually like threat to move that you're back a week later. You're right yeah reinstall love to see the numbers from these dating items on average someone installs uninstalled in there.

That would be such an interesting stat to say totally totally. But i think this actually is relevant to what i've tried to break up is like i've definitely been in patch lately. Which is actually ironic. 'cause dickey ova. Who is our our gas. That was a of that kind of told me. I was going to beat by purse this year in warned me i was gonna go through attach that i could not get discouraged field jaded and i think of it right now. That's kind of it away. Promising but i think like being in this patch like you kind of have a decision. How you're gonna handle it like you're like yes. I could delete done. Install the apps. Or i can like learn from it. Feel what i need to feel. I think especially in this episode to. It's like justified. That gets it. It never is fun when you get ghosted. Like no one's going to say it's a good time but it's like how much do you let you let it your psyche. And i think that is like actually empowering that it is in your control to decide in the way. I look at it too. I'm like okay. Like i've had the string of people that i'm really excited about than they're not like making prioritizing beating up is big of a priority as i am or like i meet someone who just like a totally different life stages but the next person could be amazing and like. I don't want other people to like just detract me from being like being able to talk to that amazing person so i do think like all these feelings are valid but i think ultimately it's up to us to shoes how we interpret them in batch like the original question is a giving up or is it like that. You've actually made strides. I think it's like a. It's a tough question to answer. I think and i think ultimately like you're gonna know if you're you're not staying true to yourself you're just not dating because it's like easier than being rejected versus. You're getting so comfortable with yourself that you're able to let the stuff slide a bit more a term. I hear over and over again. And i used to when i was dating. Is this feeling of numbness. Your num- when. I don't want to feel these feelings. And that is your brains way of protecting you and protecting your heart protecting you from the heartbreak. That could come with dating but when you are feeling numb it's a. I really hate that feeling by the way it's like i can't somehow. I can't connect to my emotions where i feel like you go on a date and you're like i don't even know how you feel about this person because i'm just feeling a little bit about it When you are feeling. I think that is a really great signal for you to step back and think like what is it that that i really wanna get out of dating. What do i need to do right now to get myself out of the state because i think numbness the one level up from apathy like a medic but then the next levels like you feel absolutely nothing i that is probably not the best place to be. So i think it's good to to be relating back to this. Episode is to look back at the culmination of all the dating trauma you faced and uses up to help you reflect and kind of like categorize what those traumas meant to you so that you can get out of state of of numbness. The numbness is. I think that's a really good point because that is feeling that people don't really talk about everyone has a right to how they feel like no one's gonna ever say you say that your feelings are invalid but i think it's really ultimately what you choose to do with those feelings and maybe what you choose to take a break and that's fine or you choose to use it as an opportunity that you're like okay. I'm getting closer to what i'm looking for. And i think like editor. Like i was talking to a friend of mine. And i'm like i feel like lately i've been like more open to giving people second dates even if it's not like great on date one especially in worlds of covid where we've maybe talked a bit more than before and i feel like some of them haven't in unlike feel discouraged by that or it could be like maybe this actually is a turning point for me. Maybe it comes with a little more potential rejection. Because i'm not the first to say like no but maybe it shows that. I'm like becoming more open. I don't know you can look at it. However way you want to tell about gaining perspective right yelling italy world you see the world how you choose to see and you choose to see it in a certain way and that puts you in a certain mood so i guess ultimately the decisions up to you. How do you want to see the situation. Yeah that kind of like segues to interesting stuff going at our lives rats on the home purchase. That's super exciting. A very excited for you that you have now officially a homeowner another thing. That's not necessarily celebrated as much as like it should be. I think thank you is a big fucking deal so for anybody who knows me personally. You know i've been making a slow transition down to l. a. to be closer to my family And it's been probably six months in the making. I think six plus months as part of that. I wanted to purchase my first home. So i was able to do that I opened escrow on new year's eve and closed Not too long ago so my first condo. 041b061a72